The Art of Listening

“No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next.” ~Edgar Watson Howe

“Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication.” ~Groucho Marx

“The first duty of love is to listen.” ~Paul Tillich

“You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time." ~M. Scott Peck

“The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer." ~Henry David Thoreau

It has long been a pet peeve of mine when people can't listen. The extreme example is those people who dominate the conversation and hardly let you speak at all. More common are those people who politely let you take a turn but are clearly not really listening but only waiting for their next turn to talk. I have been guilty of this myself. Most people have.
Mindfulness has recently increased my awareness of this phenomena, and I have been dealing with it by trying to be an even better listener. Listening to people the way I would like to be listened to, and trying (and here the part where I often fail) to not be attached to the results. Which is to say, sometimes the result is that it opens up the conversation to a deeper place. When the person talking feels listened to it allows them to be willing to listen to me also (which I think is my partly selfish goal) and then real communication can take place. More often however I just end up doing a whole lot of listening. Which when I can let go of any desire to talk, can end up being very interesting. I am a bit of an armchair psychologist, so I am always listening for the motivations beneath the talk. Good practice for my future career, I think. Listening is also the only way to learn anything, and people usually love to share (show off) what they know.

If all we have is the present moment and compassion is the highest good, than it is true what Brenda Ueland said, "Unless you listen, you can’t know anybody. Listening is love, that’s what it really is." I recommend the entire lovely essay, Tell Me More: On the Art of Listening

Namaste.
:-)